all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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