Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
