I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
