but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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