Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
