Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
