i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
