Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
