you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
