I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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