4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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