There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
