I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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