what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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