Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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