I'm really into asian looking animals
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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