The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
