I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
