The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
