I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
