Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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