I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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