You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
