he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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