We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
