Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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