it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
