what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
