ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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