Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
