dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
