My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just googled if crying burns calories
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
