Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
