i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
