It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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