Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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