Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
