While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
