check it out our google latitudes are spooning
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We left the knife in your bed.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
