The maid of honor just puked.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
