There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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