it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
