I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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