it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
