I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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