Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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