i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
