Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
