That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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