the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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