i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
