When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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