i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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