you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
