Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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