somebody snuck up and got me drunk
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
