ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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