Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
