Midget sex pt 2 tonight
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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