god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
